A few posts ago, I shared some words of wisdom for the ladies who want to get laid on their backpacking trip abroad. When it comes to us guys, things are a bit different. For men, getting laid is a much bigger part of traveling, especially backpacking, than for women. It’s just what we do.
The ease of getting lucky varies drastically from country to country. By far the easiest part of the world in that regard is South-East Asia, particularly Thailand, Cambodia and the Philippines. Many, many men of all ages travel to these countries specifically to sample various sexual delights that local girls readily provide. Of course, I’m talking about prostitutes, or bar girls, as they are known in Thailand or Philippines, for example. Personally, I don’t condone sex tourism, although when I turn 60, I might change my mind on the matter. But I’m not judging anybody. However, if you do choose to pay for sex, my strong advice to you is to stay away from underage girls. Lots of Asian women look younger than they are, so it’s perfectly possible that a 20-year old would look like a 16-year old. Check her ID if you must or suspect she’s too young. In some countries, desperate poverty pushes parents to sell their children into prostitution. Not only it would make you a criminal if you indulge in their offerings, but also a scumbag. There you have it – your doze of moral mentoring.
Another important thing to keep in mind: no matter what you might think of your looks and seduction prowess, virtually no woman in the Third World would initiate a conversation with you unless she is seeking out some financial reward from you. To put it bluntly, either she scams you, sells you something, or sells herself. That’s it. So if you are okay with using a prostitute, make sure you know one when you see one.
It used to be pretty much impossible to meet a “normal” local girl overseas unless you are in a given place for an extended period of time – i.e. on a volunteering project, or learning a foreign language, or perhaps teaching English. Nowadays, with the abundance of dating apps, it has become a breeze in most places. Tinder, Badoo, OkCupid and similar apps work their magic even when you are half-way across the world, and I know many fellow backpackers taking full advantage of that. If you intend to hook up with a nice local girl, be aware that most likely, she lives with her parents, thus your staying in a hostel will not provide for an ample setting for an amorous escapade. Get yourself a hotel room, and be prepared to pay for her taxi to your place and back. Which is just plain decency.
If you do stay a hostel, you would probably have decent chances of hooking up with a fellow backpacker girl. How? Copious amounts of booze does wonders, and that’s what the whole concept of party hostels revolve around. That’s a particularly good choice if you are really not prepared to pay a prostitute, no matter how cheap they might be, or you just won’t have sex with a girl for hire, which by the way is totally normal. Don’t envy the stories you might hear from those older, more “experienced” travelers who tell you with gusto about their sex adventures around the world. For some, it’s a kind of a sport, but it does not have to be for you. A backpacker girl is a safe and free option, just as you are for her. Do your thing, and if it all goes well, you might even acquire a traveling buddy for a while – with benefits. Really, it might just be the top choice for most of you guys out there.
When it comes to developing feelings, we men are not that different from women, so my advice above about falling in love applies to men, too. Be very careful about any future-altering decisions, especially if you are considering marrying a local girl. I know you think you are a top shelf prize for any woman out there, but never forget the simple fact that for any third world girl’s family, by virtue of being a westerner, you are the source of income and the potential salvation from all their material woes. Now, ask yourself – are you that guy? You realize, of course, that in most countries outside of Europe and North America, when you marry a girl, you marry her entire family. And it is quite possible that she is sincere when she tells you that all that matters is your love, but never bet that those little dollar signs stop sparkling in her eyes when she looks at you.
This is especially true with those infamous bar girls in South East Asia. Though technically not prostitutes but hostesses, make no mistake – those girls are for hire, and they are after the highest bidder. Now, the smartest ones will do their best to pretend they think you are the best guy they’d ever met. They will tell you they love you and want to be with you. But let me tell you something. I’ve seen a little booklet called “English for bar girls”. The most prominent chapter is for questions and requests for money, from “Can you help me pay for my English school” to “I wish I could have dental braces”. This chapter, by the way, is followed by “How to break up” chapter, with phrases such as “Let’s just stay friends” and so on. So, keep all that in mind when you nab a girl more beautiful than you could ever imagine even talking to back home.
Another thing you should remember that if, say, you fall in love with a local girl, get engaged, endure a lengthy bureaucracy to bring her over to your country, spend a ton of cash on her visa applications, gifts to the family, maybe her education or dental work, and she finally makes it to your home country. All of a sudden, you are not the only guy in the playground. Pretty soon she will see that there are hundreds of men, richer and better looking than you are, to whom she, the exotic vixen, is highly desirable. Never forget the fact that as a foreign man, in the third world, you are a 9 or a 10 just by virtue of being white or foreign. But at home, you are back to your usual 5, 6, 7 or whatever girls consider you to be. And your girlfriend, who knew she was a “plain Jane” in Thailand, is suddenly a 9 or a 10 herself when brought to your country. You can tie the knot pretty quickly, of course, but just as likely, she might be snatched away from you. Thus, don’t let yourself be taken for an idiot and a one-way ticket to their own dream which may or may not include you. If you are discussing marriage with a girl you met abroad, make a suggestion of living at her country for a few years and check her reaction.
Having said all that, lets not get carried away with serious stuff and get back to the simple pleasure of getting laid. If prostitution is not your cup of tea, backpacker girls find you repulsive, you are not anywhere near a party hostel, and you are not getting lucky with Tinder, there is another easy and relatively inexpensive option for getting off – massage. A special massage, if you catch my drift. “Massaz-boom-boom”.
In some countries of South East Asia, it’s almost more common to be offered a happy ending than not, and what you pay is roughly double your official massage fee, which is basically peanuts. You may not get a young, pretty girl – in fact, the older the masseuse, the likelier she is to offer you some of that boom-boom action. But if you close your eyes, and the light is dimmed, it’s all about your imagination. If you don’t get it at one place, try the other. Or another girl. You will likely know if the masseuse is willing to go above and beyond the rubdown, and then it’s basically a matter of agreeing to it (and agreeing to the extra tip). A word of advice: if you are planning on getting a happy ending and you see pretty girls sitting by the parlours and inviting you to come in, don’t be shy to ask, who is going to do the massage. It’s quite common that a hot girl will invite you inside, you take off your clothes and lay yourself face down, and a completely different woman will proceed with man-handling and fondling you – a much older and less attractive one. Or, worse still, a dude. But again, remember that an older woman is likelier to go for the happy ending. In some countries, especially South America, the only chance to get a hand job is from an older masseuse who understands the value of a happy ending as a part of the massage service. Any younger and more attractive one that might offer it you is, in fact, a prostitute and will charge you accordingly. Keep in mind that majority of masseuses giving a happy ending are not, in fact, prostitutes – they will do a proper massage and earn a few extra bucks in a couple of minutes of the grand finale. Nothing wrong with that. If, however, a woman starts doing the nookie right off the bat, she’s a hooker. You will unlikely get a massage at all, but she will most probably be available for just about any sexual favour – for hard cash, of course.
So, there are your options. The good news is, in most of the world, your chances of getting laid one way or the other, are pretty good. The bad news is, there are some parts of the world where these chances are next to nil. I’m talking about the Middle East, particularly Iran, and the Indian subcontinent. When traveling there, better bring your own girl. And in one of the near future posts, we will talk about pros and cons of traveling with a girlfriend.